I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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