We won't sleep together?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
