I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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