i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
