I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
