i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
