i think my mom watched the whole time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
