remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
