I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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