Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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