I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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