I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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