Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
