I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
