I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
