im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
