This girl is more easily done than said...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
