and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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