I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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