I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
