Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my poor anus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
