If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
