More tranny stories later!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
