Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
