Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
