So drunk, too bad you don't want this
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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