It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
