If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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