she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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