Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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