He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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