Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So squirting runs in the family.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
