Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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