New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
