hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
