Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
