so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
