fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
