we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
