I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
