If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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