There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
