Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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