Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
