You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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