My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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