his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
