Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
