We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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