watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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