I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
