I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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