I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
