Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
