just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize