At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
