Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
