I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
