I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
