Apparently you make a good broom.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
