you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
