I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize