Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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