Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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