I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
