i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
