I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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