the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
