apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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