Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
