How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize