Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
