I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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