One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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