So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my vagina is haunted
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
