i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How does it feel to date your dad?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
