so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
