God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
