yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
