Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
