I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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