But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
