Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
