She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How's work?
Spinning.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize