none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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