Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize