This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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