I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
