can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
