clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
