Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
