I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
