so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize